From The Onion

Funny stuff.

Open-Minded Music Lover Likes All Kinds Of Metal

June 20, 2007 | Issue 43•25

LOGANSPORT, IN—Area music enthusiast Curt Webber, 22, is completely open to enjoying "all kinds" of metal, the self-described eclectic iconoclast said Monday.

"Some people are so narrow-minded and uptight about music, but I'm into a wide variety of bands—everything from Sabbath to Disturbed," Webber said. "Whether it's the old stuff, like vintage Maiden or Priest; new stuff, like Mastodon or the Sword; the virtuosic neoclassicism of DragonForce; the unpolished rawness of, say, Motörhead; a multiplatinum band like the Crüe; an alternative act like Clutch; or just a local outfit like Soldiers of Carnage here in town—power metal, speed metal, glam metal, thrash metal, death metal, nü metal, metal-core, or even Norwegian black metal—it's all music to me, man."

Webber conceded that the one musical style he simply cannot abide is rap metal.

I'll never play enough metal to keep the likes of Mr. Webber happy, but I do throw in in the occasional Iron Maiden or Judas Priest from time to time. It's a guilty pleasure left over from my teen years, and it wouldn't be very eclectic of me to not play any metal at all, now would it? Try to remember that the next time you're listening and think "WTF? Twisted Sister?!?!"